Getting My Fix

Ok, so this is something new that is not at all like me....
NOT
AT
ALL!!

I decided to join a box subscription.  You know, you pay them once a month or so and they send you a box of whatever it is.  They have gluten free food boxes, runners boxes, makeup boxes, etc...

Now, my love language is definitely gift giving so this whole idea appeals to me on many levels.  It's like giving myself a surprise gift every few months.

However, if you know me well you know that my closet is filled with jeans, t-shirts and sweatshirts and not a whole lot more than that.  It's like my mom uniform.  Actually...I can't even say that because it's pretty much how I have always dressed.  I like comfort...I just do.

So, I got out of my "BOX"and I subscribed to a clothing box delivery called Stitch Fix.  I gave them my measurements and preferences (surprisingly they had no box to check for the style preference of "jeans and sweatshirts".)  

And here it is...my box of clothes.  

Now, let me say one other thing.  This is out of my comfort zone on a few levels.  One because, as I mentioned, I really prefer jeans and sweatshirts.  And TWO because I also prefer the clearance rack at Goodwill.  Yes, the CLEARANCE rack at GOODWILL.  There I buy my jeans for $5 and my shirts for $2.  I am sure you can imagine that these clothes will not be costing me $5.   However, you do get to choose what you will keep and not keep so it seemed reasonable to me to at least try it.  Maybe it will help me step out of my comfort zone with clothing as well.  Maybe it will challenge me to try something that I normally would not even try on.  

This is the shirt that greeted me as I opened the box.  A color that I like but I am not sure I have ever owned anything flowered.  I tried it on and I actually wanted to like it.  But it was a no go.  And for the price...NOT HAPPENING.  I was willing to pay more than my normal $2 for it...I really was...but only  if I really loved it.  

I did not love it! 

However, these other three I DID LOVE.  They all fit and they were all comfortable AND they all looked nice.  So, it became a balance of is the cost worth it or not.  In the end the the Goodwill Hunter in me won out mostly but I did make one purchase.  It was a bit cheaper than the others and I had not seen one like it at Goodwill lately so I took the plunge.

Can you guess what one it was????

So, here is the introspection...the thoughts my brain had.

It was fun to get the box.  I LOVE gifts...even when they are from myself.  And I do think that it is good to stretch myself in the area of clothes.  I could definately spend more time thinking about what to wear in the morning...taking a few more minutes to take care of myself and concentrate on me.  To choose something that I feel like I look really nice in.  If I start doing that more than one day a week I think that will be a positive step for me.

However, I don't think forcing myself to spend more money on clothes is something I will do.  I mean, I might step it up to Target now and then or maybe even the clearance rack of Stein Mart if I am feeling "spendy".  But I doubt you will see me sporting many "stitch fix" outfits any time soon.  

But for this once...it was fun & a new adventure for me. 

Chalk that up as a new experience! 

Mrs. Fix It

Ok, so this will be a quick post because I am way behind on posting this stuff.  I have two more posts to go to get caught up...eeeekkkkk! 

The short of it is this: 

A couple of weeks ago I fixed my own dryer.  I have been without a dryer for 4 months and before that it was taking two cycles to dry.  Then it started making such a horrible noise that it was useless. 

We called a repairman who failed us miserably but who we are trying to show grace to for personal things in his life.  But, that stuck me without a dryer for 4 months...there are NO WORDS!! 

 So, inspired by my friend Lorena (who fixed her dryer herself a while back) I decided I would look it up and see if I could fix it.  I stumbled upon an incredible website that helps you diagnose what's wrong and then gives you links to order the parts you need and has videos showing how to fix the problem. 

I went to open up our dryer and investigate the issue but I could not even get into it.  I didn't have the right tool.  That made me want to quit from the start.  But I didn't...I got myself this handy dandy screwdriver with lots of ends and got to work.  

I opened it up, compared my dryer to the video & identified the parts I needed.  

After the parts (it needed 6 new parts) came in it was truly a simple fix that took about 30 minutes. 

And now my dryer works like a charm! 

And I have to say that so far this is the thing I'm proudest of.  I can't believe I actually did it.  This is something I normally would rely on Stan for.  I might look it up and decide what was wrong but then I would add it to his to do list.  But I did it...and I did it myself.  I figured it out. 

And it felt good...to feel pride in MYSELF.  

I'm use to feeling proud of my kids. 

I'm use to feeling proud of my husband.

It's a much more rare feeling to be proud of myself.  The week I fixed my own dryer all by myself...I felt pride.  And that felt good.  

Go tackle something in your own life this week that feels too big or just out of reach.  

You can do it! 

Relaxing is HARD!

Well, I am late with this post but let me explain...I really, really, really, typed this up like days after I did the hammock challenge.  BUT something in Blogger went terribly wrong (ok, maybe just a little bit wrong but it sounds better to say TERRIBLY so go with me on this one).  I could not get my post to publish and then it was gone...and then it was there but horribly unedited so I had to go back and redo this thing...so if there are lots of mistakes then you have to just blow past them and pretend they are not there cause I have another post to redo AND I have another post to write and I am going to try and crank them out in just a few days.  AND, let's not forget that I am the mom of 5 kids who will be home in less than and hour.  AHHHHHHHHHHHH......

 So, I actually did it.  I spent the entire day in my hammock on Relaxation Day.

It was...well...It was HARD.  For real, it was bothersome for me.

So, here is how it went:

My plan was from 12:00 AM to 11:59 PM I would stay in the hammock.  The exception being that I would get up to go to the bathroom when needed.

Can I tell you, it actually takes a decent amount of planning to be able to pull off a day in the hammock.  If my kids were little again this would have taken twice as long to get ready for...and likely would not have happened. Luckily for me they are older now and can take care of most of their own needs.
So, I got it all ready.  I donned my bug spray because somehow mosquitoes seem to find me delicious.  FOR REAL...I have a bite on my eyelid from one that found me IN MY OWN BEDROOM last night.

Then I headed out to the hammock with my sleeping bag and a sheet to pull over my head so I was fully mosquito proof.  I lit my citronella candle...meant to keep away as many mosquitoes as possible but also to illuminate the area incase any critters or mischievous neighbors decided to join the party and scare the socks off me.

Admittedly, I was quite cozy and happy laying there in my hubby's hammock.  

It got down to about 40 degrees that night which I was fine with because I LOVE sleeping in the cold.  My family will attest to that.  I typically would rather not have the air conditioning on during the fall and spring except at night when I want it to be below 70 all night.  They are all asking for extra blankets and I am waking up happy and refreshed.  So, YEP...I was loving it.

I did wake up one time early in the morning because I heard something in the yard.  I laid there all zipped up in my mummy sleeping bag until I realized that if that something walking thru the yard was a creepy dude looking to steal a 40 year old woman I would be a pretty easy target all zipped up in there.  So, I unzipped quickly and sat up...  Thankfully the neighbor's dog was not at all prepared to carry me anywhere.

The next time I woke was when my son (M) delivered toast to me in my hammock 

and told me he was getting ready to head to school....LOVELY SON!!!

Ok, so here is where the introspection began for me.

The house grew quiet as the kids left and then I was there alone...left to RELAX.  I knew that was going to be hard for me but I never really realized how hard it was.  I don't relax that much other than sleeping.  Really, if I am relaxing I'm often asleep.

Just to get myself to relax all day I had to make it a challenge.  I had to bet myself I could not do something and then prove I could.  That was just the beginning.  From the moment the house grew quiet and I was left alone to relax I fought it.  I knew I would stay in the hammock all day and I had brought out a tub of things to do to keep me from being bored.

I brought out food and as I ate my food I realized that I could probably count up the calories of what I was going to eat that day and then challenge myself not to eat more than I would burn.  See what I did there...I turned relaxing into a job...a challenge.

I realized what I was doing and made myself put it out of my mind.  I decided it was time for a book so I pulled out a book I had in my tub of things to do.  I made sure it was a relaxing book and not a self help book or "how to" book so it was not adding to my to do list in any way.  I started reading and as I got into the book I realized I might be able to finish a book in a day...something I have not done since I was a kid.

Do you hear that...do you see what I did AGAIN?? 

 I tried to challenge myself to another contest. 

 I was making reading a book into a challenge.

So.......   I STOPPED!  

I continued reading but I did not let myself make it a challenge or something to do. 

 I just read.

And that is how my day went...I kept finding things to do and I would simply enjoy it for a little bit and then my brain tried to make it into something I had to do.

After the school day was over I had several visitors to my back yard.  I had made a deal with my kids and some of the neighborhood kids that if they would help me and my friends celebrate Relaxation day that I would help them celebrate National Creamsicle Day.  See what I did there....I gained myself some servants for the price of a couple of boxes of Creamsicles.  (Feel free to put me on a parenting pedestal for that one...Yes, it was BRILLIANT...it happens about once every 3.7 years that I get a brilliant parenting idea).

The rest of the day was spent hanging out with my friends who joined me in the backyard in hammocks or swings.  One of my friends brought chocolate and wine and another one sat and chatted.  Another friend called and kept me company while she herself lay in her own hammock in her yard and another still sent a photo of her in her hammock.  All these things made me so happy as I laid there (or sat there, or hung there, or stood there...YES, I STOOD in my hammock...cause laying gets old pretty quickly)

One friend spend a while in a hammock beside me and forced me to really look inside and think about what I was doing here.  While I laid there wishing to get out of the hammock and be done with this thing I was calling relaxation but was really making into a to do list, she laid there and you will never believe what she did...  SHE RELAXED.  She chatted with me and she RELAXED. She looked at the shooting stars in the sky and saw 20-30 of them.  There was an actual meteor shower going on and I was so busy being ready to be done that I missed most of it.  I saw 3...count them...THREE.  She is much better at relaxing than I am.  She said it like it was a joke but the truth is that I learned from her.  (I learn a lot from her in life)  But, for real, it's something I wish I knew how to do...REALX...just sit there and BE. I wish I could have laid there and taken it in.  There was a meteor shower happening and I wish I had embraced that.  I wish I had embraced the relaxation of the day....

Maybe if I had relized that watching a meteor shower was actually on my list of new things to do this year I would have...because that would have turned it into something TO DO.

Over and Out...

National Relax Day

So, my friends following my journey on the blog, I have a challenge for you.  Did you know this Friday is Relax Day? I myself had no idea...most likely because I don't often relax.  Ok, that's not true.  I like to sleep in (a lot) and that is relaxing.  What I don't do well is relax when I'm awake.  My body literally has to be sleeping for me to stop doing things and relax.  So, I figure if I want to affect myself this year and explore ME, who I am...I have to go big.  So, tomorrow I am spending the ENTIRE DAY (yep12:00 AM to 11:59 PM) in our hammock.  

Now, if you live close to me you are welcome to join me for as much of that time as you want.  I would LOVE the company.  But if you don't then my challenge is simple.  Get out of your comfort zone and relax in a new way...a stretching way...a way you haven't before.  

Go to that spa.

Take a walk.

Read a book that has been on your shelf for years.

Ride a horse for the first time.

Sit at Starbucks for three hours.

Buy yourself a $20 pear from Harry and David's and enjoy EVERY BITE of the thing.  

Do whatever your heart directs your brain toward.  And then thank God for it.  Cause this week I have been fully reminded that there are those in the world who get no peace.  There are friends of mine whose hearts are so heavily laden that stopping for relaxation is not an option.  There are people living with famine, war, heartache, mental illness, cancer, pain...  

So as you find that thing you will do to relax a bit deeper the most important thing is that you do NOT take your ability to do it for granted.  We are blessed...soak that up and thank God for it. 

Shot Thru the Heart

So, those of you who know me know the man who holds my heart spends deer season holding something else...

 A 

Bow 

And

Arrow.

Yep, for a few months of the year I am a hunting widow.  

My husband is a busy pastor who rarely takes time for himself but during this time of the year he grabs any bit of margin he can and retreats to his deer stand.  

Stan and I live in the suburbs now where this is a pretty rare hobby but we both grew up in 

small town USA...and this hobby is one that brings back his childhood...his roots.

Being married to someone who hunts means that, almost by osmosis, I know ridiculous things

like when "the rut" is (and WHY "we" care).  

I know what a "drop tine"is. 

I know EXACTLY what time the sun sets each day he is in the deer stand. 

The last one is the most important to me because by that I can judge when 

he will be home to take over the care and keeping of our minions.  

My mailman delivers magazines like this to our house more than he delivers bride magazines to the engaged girl down the street (but not more often than he delivers things I have ordered from AMAZON...cause I am addicted).

And I currently have these things sitting on my counter (my KITCHEN counter).

Bow hunting provides most of the meat our family eats (YEAH for that).

So I have to tell you I was a bit surprised myself that when I decided to try one new 

thing each week for the school year I ended up with "shoot a bow" on my list.  

HOW HAVE I NOT ALREADY SHOT A BOW?

So, this past week that is what I did...I shot a bow for the first time.  

Now if you know me REALLY well then you know I am a DEAD EYE with a rubber band.  So, I was pretty sure that I would have this bow thing in the BAG.  ;)  I may have even talked a bit of smack to my husband about him not wanting to teach me just in case I am a better shot than he is.  

Ok, so here is where the introspection comes in.  

It turns out that I can not even draw the bow my hubby hunts with.  Do you KNOW how strong you have to be to pull back a bow?  Do you know this already?  I did NOT.  I mean you can buy bows that are as easy or as hard to pull back as you want but my husband has a bow that is IMPOSSIBLE for me to pull back.  I mean...NOT A CHANCE!

Luckily for me he also has a crossbow which I can shoot...so my "new thing" was not a bust.

However, you also have to pull back the crossbow and I was unable to get that done too.  I tried...(apparently without a smile on my face).  Thankfully he could do that for me though.  

Once we got that down he taught me how to set the arrow, aim, take off the safety lock and shoot the thing.  Now I am not great at taking directions but I was determined to listen and learn.  You will have to ask him how I actually did with the listening thing but I think I did pretty well.  

And for the first time ever I shot a bow.  

And guess what, it was pretty cool.

That arrow leaves that bow QUICKLY.  

It is HARD to hold that thing steady.  

In order to do it you have to breathe just right...I mean that literally.  You actually have to

 breathe the right way to keep still enough to put the arrow where you want it to go.  

You have to squeeze the trigger slowly...but with precision.

You have to pay attention to every bit of your own body. 

 I use to make fun of the way hunters go sit in a deer stand for hours on end.  I don't sit for hours on end for ANYTHING.  I just don't.  But here is the thing.  I think you may have to sit there for a long time in order to get yourself relaxed and focused enough to sit completely still and pull the trigger without movement from ANYWHERE in your body.

That is NOT EASY!

So, I know you are all DYING to see how I did.

 I was, indeed, aiming at the middle black circle so I am pretty ok with this shot.  

It was my first shot...the others got worse rather than better.  But I'm not upset about it.  

In NO WAY do I have bragging rights over my husband for this one though...

His were ALL DEAD ON!!

every 

single 

one!

 I'm not sure what exactly I learned through this but I will tell you what I have been thinking about.  For one thing...my husband is a total stud.  I mean really, he literally hunts and brings back food for our family by doing so.  And on top of that he is STRONG.  I mean, really strong.  And he is an amazing shot.  He is good at this and now that I have experienced it I am telling you...it's not easy.
Yes, I got a few good shots in and after every one Stan would tell me that it would have gotten the deer.  However, it took me FOREVER to get it lined up, get still and take the shot.  Any deer would have actually been scared off LONG before I got any of those shots off.

So, lesson one...My husband is a total stud.  

I am a lucky girl.  He's a GREAT man and I could not love him more.  And now that I can shoot a bow I am thinking that his love level went up...

Even so I am still asking for this shirt for christmas.  

 And I am pretty sure he will still leave me for hunting season this year.  

But maybe this year I will join him once or twice.  

(Don't tell him but one thing on my list of new things to try is to go hunting with him 

and at the last second before he lets go of the cables yell, "RUN DEER RUN!!!")

I may need a place to sleep for a week or two after that!!  

-Dawn

Zest Restoration

Welcome to my blog...

Welcome to my journey...

Welcome to my life!!

I am 40.

I am the wife of an amazing man.

I am the mom of 5 indescribably unique and amazing,
and sometimes AWFUL (shhh,don't tell) kids.  

That's it...that's all I have...that's me.  

Over the last few years of parenting I have poured myself into the role of mom so fully that I can no longer describe myself adequately.  It's a wonderful thing...to pour yourself out.  It was my choice to pour myself out.  I don't regret pouring myself out...not for one minute. (ok, maybe for a minute)

But I have lost my sense of self.  I stopped looking at ME.  I stopped living the moments and just went through the motions.  Like so many of us do, I forgot what I love...what makes me rise up and take life by the horns...what makes my heart beat quicken.  

Early on in our relationship my husband told me one of the things he loved about me the most was my "Zest for life".  I remember the moment he said it because as he said it I immediately identified with it.  I did love life.  I loved pulling pranks on the girls in my dorm with my roommate.  I loved making people laugh.  I loved laughing.  I loved trying out new things.  I loved making new friends.  I loved going new places.  I loved hunting down the "zest" in life and embracing it.   I loved that saying  because I understood it...it defined me.  

I believe it still does or at least it still can...but only if I let it.  

So, that is the point of this blog.  That is the point of this project that will take place over the next 10 months.   

For this school year I am going to try at least one new thing a week.  I will try it out, take some photos of it (to prove I did it) and post about it here on this blog.  And more importantly I am going to let you know what it felt like...what I learned about myself through it.   

My hope is that it will get me out of this rut and help me see the world through a renewed set of eyes.  

My hope is that it will help me see the new things God has in store for me more clearly.   

My hope is that it will affect life change in my heart and mind.

and by sharing it my hope is if you are in a rut of your own you will join me on this adventure.  

So, here it goes:  

A year of living, breathing and embracing while I rediscover the Zest in life and pay attention to myself as I do it.  

I don't know much but I know this one thing...God is calling me out of my rut.  

Join me as I discover new things in new ways and open my own eyes to God's call on my life.

With as Much Zest as I can muster...

Dawn 

A Few FYI's:

1.  Look for the report of my first new experience coming in just a few days.

2. I am a fan of the oh so appropriate punctuation of "..." so if that bothers you then you might want to move along to another blog.  That is the punctuation I like to use when I don't want to bother with correct punctuation...OK?) I am sure it makes my english teaching mother and my english major brother very proud!

3.  I am more than open to suggestions for new things to try.  BRING IT ON!